I also built virtual friendships with other women going through similar situations.
And then, this past summer, I downloaded a dating app and started swiping. Call it a promise to my sons that I would not forever carry my disgust of and hatred for men, that I would not let those feelings spill over onto these boys who will someday become men.
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After spending years spinning on the narcissist Tilt-A-Whirl, I still have a whole hell of a lot to figure out—about relationships and love, about recovery and trauma, about myself.
But for now, here are my thoughts about dating postnarcissist that are especially relevant for Solo Moms. Read up on the red flags, and remember the beginning.
Call it an exercise in vulnerability, in seeing if I was ready, in relearning to make small talk and answer banal questions from men: What do you like to do for fun? And so I scanned through photo after photo—men holding dead fish, men next to dead deer, men lifting weights at the gym, men standing on top of mountains, men with guns, men declaring their support for Donald Trump. I chatted, texted, blocked a few losers, and met up with a few for awkward lunch dates.
Admittedly, I’m a newbie in the postnarcissist dating world.
I have approached the material with studiousness, reading after my children are asleep, bookmarking relevant websites, dog-earing pages, and underlining sentences that make me shake with recognition.